Posts Tagged ‘proverbs’

Conundrums 3

Friday, February 27th, 2009

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on “Start”?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Conundrums 2

Friday, February 20th, 2009

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?

Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment,

but when you transport something by ship it’s called cargo?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

What would Geramino say if he jumped out of an airplane?

Conundrums 1

Friday, February 13th, 2009

If you try to fail, but you succeed, which have you done?

If a turtle loses it’s shell, is it naked or homeless?

If love is blind, then why is lingerie so popular?

If nothing sticks to teflon, then how do they make teflon stick to the pan?

If fire fighters fight fires, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear seatbelts?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If most car accidents occur within 5 kilometers of home, then why doesn’t everyone just move 5 k’s away?

If a black box flight recorder is never damaged in a plane crash, why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why are psychics still working if they all know the winning lottery numbers?

If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?

Chinese Proverbs

Friday, January 16th, 2009

Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Virginity like tiny bubble, one prick all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

Man who scratches @ss should not bite fingernails.