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Alright men, it’s that time of the week again. It’s time to….take out the trash. You may not like it, in fact you may feel your soul being sucked out of you at the very thought of taking out the trash. None of that matters, the trash isn’t going to take itself out. If it sits there until your wife finally takes it out, you may as well move to the couch now before she gives you the crappy pillow and blanket.

Putting it off only makes it harder. There is nothing worse than procrastinating until you miss the trash man altogether. If that happens, you should probably get yourself a hotel room for the night. Don’t worry about taking your house keys, your wife will likely have the locks changed anyway.

Even if you’re lucky enough to spot the trash man, there is nothing more pitiful than running after a trash truck holding up three big bags while still wearing your pajamas and bunny slippers. Garbage truck drivers are instructed not to stop for schmucks chasing them, even if it means having to circle the block.

Once you have decided that you are going to finally get it over with, you need to psych yourself up for it. Take deep breaths and visualize yourself walking out to the end of the driveway. Perform the entire task in your mind several times, there is no room for error, you want to get this done as quickly as possible.

Now that your ready, grab the bags and run outside. Don’t bother putting shoes on, any pain in your feet will distract you from the torment of having to take the trash out. Carefully stuff the bags into the trash cans, you don’t want to break them. That would mean having to pick up all the crud that fell on the floor and even worse, you would have to wash your hands when you get back inside.

Now quickly drag the trash cans out to the end of the driveway. If it’s after dark, which is likely, you should lift them up so not to wake the neighbors. Once the cans are in place run back into the house as if there is a rabid dog chasing you. You may now congratulate yourself for completing your manly housework. Get yourself a beer, you deserve it, even if your wife disagrees. You can feel good, you won’t have to worry about that for a whole week. Ahh, let the countdown begin.

So you’ve finally realized that your job sucks. Congratulations on being the last one you know to come to that conclusion. Before you give your two weeks notice, consider this. If you quit, you can’t draw unemployment. You’re best bet would be to get fired. Many people have hard times getting fired, other people have no trouble at all getting fired, sometimes it happens even when they didn’t actually mean for it to. It doesn’t matter which type of person you are, the tips in this article can help you get fired in no time flat. Use as many as necessary, but don’t overdo it, you don’t want to get arrested or sent to a mental institution, unless you would like an extended vacation.

Show up late, when your boss comments, remark that you are glad that he or she is paying attention.

Burn paper in your trash can. When told to stop apologize, wait an hour then burn more paper. When told to stop again, apologize profusely and tell your boss to take your trashcan because it’s too big of a temptation.

Start stealing office plants. Don’t be sneaky about it, just walk right out with it at quitting time. For more effect, you could try taking them in the middle of the day.

Sit in on meeting you weren’t invited to and heckle the presenter. Be sure to wear your nametag in a prominent location. Many meetings will likely be run by other departments, you want them to be able to notify your boss easily.

Put a picture of your boss in a conspicuous place and throw darts at it, if you’re really adventurous use a picture of your boss’s daughter.

Listen to your iPod all day, if someone asks you to stop, get irate. If your boss tells you to put it away, apologize and take the earbuds out, then as soon as your boss is out of site, put them back in and resume listening.

Snatch the toupee off your boss’s head and run around the office with it. Find a meeting, quickly open the door, toss the toupee onto the table and make a mad run back to your cubicle.