HOW TO….Make Money Online
1 February 2008So you want to start the next internet empire and make a fortune. That’s great, but what now? In order to make money online, you must have good stuff. This starts with the branding of your website. Get a simple domain name, keep it to four letters or less. Don’t be afraid to pay for it, good domains cost good money.
Now that you have your website, you need to get people to visit it. You could go the normal route of writing quality content and waiting for the readers to come, but that takes time and time is money. Every day that goes by with low page views is losing you money. You need to get mentioned on the six o’clock news across the country. The best way to do this is to sue someone, preferably a large corporation. It doesn’t really matter which one or why you sue.
You could sue Microsoft for losing an important article when your computer crashed. You could sue Myspace because you thought of it first, but just didn’t get around to it. The more outrageous the lawsuit is, the more likely you will get on the news. This type of advertising works on the model that any press is good press. Don’t worry about getting in trouble, the justice system doesn’t care if your case is valid or not. What matters is that the lawyers are getting paid. People file ridiculous lawsuits everyday, its what makes America great.
Another great way to drive traffic to your site is to piss off people. If you choose to go this route, be sure to pick your group wisely. Vegans are very outspoken about eating habits and food. PETA is quite vocal about anything to do with animals. You could write about killing animals to eat and get both groups at once. A very hot topic lately is how to make money. However this topic is not for the faint of heart, it continues to be one of the most hated topics on the internet. You should only choose this topic if you live in a modern apartment building with a doorman and state of the art security.
No matter which topic you choose, don’t go too far. Daily comment flames and hate e-mails are fine. They are a good way to know people are visiting your site. However, once you start receiving death threats on your cell phone, you have found your limit. Once that is established, you know how far you can go and still get away with it. Some may say that this is nonsense, but just look at the White House website, it gets lots of traffic.
Pretend to be someone else. This is getting more and more popular nowadays, because it works. Just look at that guy who pretended to be Steve Jobs, now that he’s been exposed, everyone knows who he is. But he was famous before he was exposed because he piggybacked on the fame of Steve Jobs.
Choose someone famous that you like, or you hate, either one will work. Make sure they really are famous, just because Larry from accounting has a video on You Tube doesn’t make him famous.
Keep a dry erase marker in the shower. If you’re like me, you do a lot of thinking in the shower. Trying to take a pad of paper into the shower doesn’t work very well. A dry erase marker will allow you to jot down ideas as they come along. Clean up is a breeze, just use your washrag, but only after you copy down what you wrote. Also, make sure that the marker really is dry erase and not permanent. You’ll either run out of space or get killed by your wife, or both.
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