HOW TO…Get Fired
29 September 2007So you’ve finally realized that your job sucks. Congratulations on being the last one you know to come to that conclusion. Before you give your two weeks notice, consider this. If you quit, you can’t draw unemployment. You’re best bet would be to get fired. Many people have hard times getting fired, other people have no trouble at all getting fired, sometimes it happens even when they didn’t actually mean for it to. It doesn’t matter which type of person you are, the tips in this article can help you get fired in no time flat. Use as many as necessary, but don’t overdo it, you don’t want to get arrested or sent to a mental institution, unless you would like an extended vacation.
Show up late, when your boss comments, remark that you are glad that he or she is paying attention.
Burn paper in your trash can. When told to stop apologize, wait an hour then burn more paper. When told to stop again, apologize profusely and tell your boss to take your trashcan because it’s too big of a temptation.
Start stealing office plants. Don’t be sneaky about it, just walk right out with it at quitting time. For more effect, you could try taking them in the middle of the day.
Sit in on meeting you weren’t invited to and heckle the presenter. Be sure to wear your nametag in a prominent location. Many meetings will likely be run by other departments, you want them to be able to notify your boss easily.
Put a picture of your boss in a conspicuous place and throw darts at it, if you’re really adventurous use a picture of your boss’s daughter.
Listen to your iPod all day, if someone asks you to stop, get irate. If your boss tells you to put it away, apologize and take the earbuds out, then as soon as your boss is out of site, put them back in and resume listening.
Snatch the toupee off your boss’s head and run around the office with it. Find a meeting, quickly open the door, toss the toupee onto the table and make a mad run back to your cubicle.
Share ThisPopularity: 19% [?]
