HOW TO - Start your own Business
23 November 2007So you want to start your own business? You and everyone else. But don’t let the massive amount of competition stop you. You can still eek out a measly existence. Just follow my 55 step program and you’ll be on your way to average street.
If you haven’t already decided on what business you want to get into, then you need to ask yourself. “Why the hell did I quit my job?” But since you’ve already quit and likely burned your former employer, you may as well get started. Look around at the town you live in. take note of the types of businesses. If your town had around 2,500 people and there are five gas stations, most likely you don’t need another one.
You should also use common sense. Opening a tanning salon in amish country makes about as much sense as starting a Bass Pro shop in los angeles. But if that’s your passion, then go fot it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
They say location, location, location. They could probably get the point across by saying it once but apparently they have obsessive compulsive disorder. I don’t know much about real estate, so I’ll skip this step.
Once you have your location, buy the most expensive furniture, you can find. No one is going to respect a business that works off of six card tables and fold up chairs. Unless it’s a lemonade stand, then it’s cute. Keep in mind, 8 year-old selling lemonade: cute, 38 year-old selling lemonade: creepy.
Hire extra people, you never know when you’ll need them. You’ll be kicking yourself if you have to start turning customers away. Worse than that, it opens up an opportunity for competition to start up and eat away at your business. It’s better to have employees sitting around a lot then to have customers get mad and go somewhere else.
Advertising is for chumps, word of mouth is the only way to get customers. Using this approach you can save hundreds or thousands a month, you’ll need that money to pay your employees to sit around when waiting for the next big rush. If you must advertise, take the opportunity to trash your competitors. How else is the public going to know how your competition is screwing people or selling inferior products, than if you tell them?
Good customers respect high prices, you need to focus on these customers. Tell your wal-mart mined customers to kiss your ass. You won’t make any money off of them, they’ll bleed you dry if you give them the opportunity.
If you follow these simple suggestions you’ll be on your way to business history. However, if all you want to do is sit back and let the money roll in, buy a printing press. That’s the only way that is going to happen.
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