The primary function of this website is to be hilarious. If you don't find the articles in this site to be hilarious, then you are probably having trouble understanding the jokes. That's okay, we're not here to judge you. As for everyone else, we don't speak for them and they are free to judge you as they please.
You might live in St. Louis if…
24 July 2008If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in St. Louis.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you might live in St Louis.
If someone mentions ‘The Landing’ and it has nothing to do with the space shuttle, you might live in St. Louis.
If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in St. Louis.
If you’ve seen a tornado touch down and ONLY thought ‘Damn it, I just waxed the car’, you might live in St. Louis.
If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in St. Louis.
If you measure distance in hours instead of miles, you might live in St. Louis.
If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day and back again, you might live in St. Louis.
If you drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard for some White Castles, you might live in St. Louis.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you might live in St. Louis.
If you take I-Farty-Far to Six Flags, you might live in St. Louis.
If you know what/where the Piasa Bird is, you might live in St. Louis.
If someone says concrete and you think of Ted Drewes instead of pavement, you might live in St. Louis.
If you know what a TRAM is, you might live in St. Louis.
If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you might live in St. Louis.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph — you’re going 80 and everybody is passing you, you might live in St. Louis.
If you’ve ever skipped school, work, or even a court-date because you had tickets to an afternoon Cards, Blues or Rams game, you might live in St. Louis.
If you can say the words ‘Cahokia Mounds’ and not think of a candybar or boobies, you might live in St. Louis.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in St.Louis.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you might live in St. Louis.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you might live in St. Louis.
If you find 10 degrees a little ‘chilly’, you might live in St. Louis.
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your St. Louis friends & others, you live or have lived in St. Louis.
Share ThisPopularity: 9% [?]
Somebody throw me a chair!
20 July 2008
http://view.break.com/539758 - Watch more free videos
Popularity: 8% [?]
Conundrums 3
14 May 2008Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on “Start”?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Share ThisPopularity: 26% [?]
Conundrums 2
7 May 2008When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?
Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment,
but when you transport something by ship it’s called cargo?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
What would Geramino say if he jumped out of an airplane?
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Conundrums 1
30 April 2008If you try to fail, but you succeed, which have you done?
If a turtle loses it’s shell, is it naked or homeless?
If love is blind, then why is lingerie so popular?
If nothing sticks to teflon, then how do they make teflon stick to the pan?
If fire fighters fight fires, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear seatbelts?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If most car accidents occur within 5 kilometers of home, then why doesn’t everyone just move 5 k’s away?
If a black box flight recorder is never damaged in a plane crash, why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why are psychics still working if they all know the winning lottery numbers?
If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?
Share ThisPopularity: 31% [?]
Chinese Proverbs
23 April 2008Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like tiny bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
Man who scratches @ss should not bite fingernails.
Share ThisPopularity: 31% [?]
Annoy The People In The Next Bathroom Stall
16 April 2008Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a melon into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
Fill up a large flask with Lucozade. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, “Whoa! Easy big boy!”
Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, “Whoops, could you kick that back over here please”?
Say, “C’mon Mr. Happy!! Don’t fall asleep on me!!”
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall where the person in the next stall can see it.
Say, “Oh my, this water’s cold!”
Say, “Hmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”
Say, “Interesting, more floaters than sinkers.”
Drop a marble and say, “Oh noooo, my glass eye!!”
Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, “May I borrow a highlighter?”
Say, “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot”
Say, “Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?”
Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your “Cross-Dressers Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, “Peek-a-boo!”
When you’re in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say, “You got any more toilet paper over there? This side’s completely out.”
Share ThisPopularity: 33% [?]
Picture - Free Cat
13 April 2008Any takers?
Popularity: 36% [?]
A 1950s Guide To Womanhood
9 April 2008This is actual text from a Home Economics guide used in Ontario,
Canada during the 1950’s. The segment is titled:
“THE FASCINATING WOMANHOOD WAY TO WELCOME A MAN WHEN HE COMES HOME
FROM WORK”
GET YOUR WORK DONE: Plan your tasks with an eye of the clock.
Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your
anguished cry, “Are you home already?” is not exactly a warm
welcome.
HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before to have a
delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that
you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good
meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed
when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead
of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive
and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are
resting you can be thinking about your F.W. assignment and all you
can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you
arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a
ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a
lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more
interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip through the main part of
the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school
books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in
the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the
tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and
order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order
is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned
for this homecoming.
PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Take just a few minutes to wash the children’s
hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary
change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like
to see them look the part.
MINIMIZE ALL NOISE: Especially give heed to this if your husband
has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate
noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the
children to be quiet at the time of their father’s arrival. Let
them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.
BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM: Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to
see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make
his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs
it now.
SOME DON’TS: Don’t greet him with problems and complaints. Solve
the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must
discuss with him until later in the evening. Also, don’t complain
if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when
compared with what he might have gone through that day. Don’t
allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow
them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.
MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have him lean back into a comfortable chair
or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink
ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck
and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don’t insist on this
however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a
soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.
LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the
moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he
will be a more responsive listener later.
MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out
to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to
understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home
and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back.
Again, try to understand his world of strain.
THE GOAL: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where
your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to
this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood
and your husband **will want to come home** (that’s in italics) He
will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will
spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all
of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is
the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure,
persuasion or moral obligation.
Popularity: 37% [?]
Picture - Channel 42 is Really Mean
6 April 2008At least they’re honest.
Popularity: 43% [?]
Picture - Nine and Five IS Thirteen
30 March 2008Quit arguing and learn!
Popularity: 36% [?]
Video - Turn $1 into $100
9 March 2008You will stun your friends with this one, I promise!
Most Amazing Magic Trick! Turn $1 Into $100! - Funny blooper videos are here
Popularity: 42% [?]
